Why do we do this?!

I’ve been asking myself this question for about 7 hours now. Why do I think training for and running a marathon is a good idea?

I had a couple pretty hard runs this week. Last night I was really nervous about today’s 20. I’m often nervous the night before long runs but it gets easier when I’ve done the distance before. I’ve only done 20 one other time. And the marathon. So 20 is still a really.long.way. I had a bad feeling about the run yesterday. I’m not sure if I knew that I wasn’t in the right frame of mind or knew I hadn’t eaten well all week or if it was a self-fulfilling prophecy. Either way, today’s run was really tough.

I should have been confident. Most of my runs – especially long runs – have been great. After 18 I really did feel like I could run 8 more miles. So today’s run also should have been great. I think I ate way too much cheesecake this week. I felt heavy and like my stomach was triple the size when we started out. I’ve been nursing minor plantar fasciitis through all of this round of training and it was irritating today. Then — something completely new to me — my right hamstring was screaming.

It was a hard run. One of those runs that makes me question why I run and doubt that I should run, doubt that I can finish the marathon, doubt that I’m tough enough. But now I remind myself that I’ve had a lot of awesome runs in the last few months, I’m the strongest runner I’ve ever been (far from the fastest, definitely most fit though), I’m prepared, 3 weeks from tomorrow I will complete the Marine Corps Marathon. Some runs just totally suck. Today was one. And, oh yeah, this was the highest mileage week I’ve ever had: 38.5 miles! So lots to celebrate and be optimistic about…but today was so hard.